Daydreams of a Solitary Walker
by Sarah Cabbage Patch
Summary: The Titans each individually muse over what plagues their minds the most. Sometimes a good walk by yourself is just what you need to think.
1. Part One: Fear

Teen Titans: Daydreams for a Solitary Walker

Part One

Chapter One: Faith

Summary: The Titans each individually muse over what plagues their minds the most. Sometimes a good walk by yourself is just what you need to think.

A/N: Okay, I'm back with this new little vignette-y piece. Sorry I have been kind of dead lately, but I just have not had the time to do anything. Spring Break is coming up, so maybe I'll get a chance to update something along the way. Well, I hope you all like this little new pet project. Let me know what you think by pressing that little review button down at the bottom. Thanks! SCP

* * *

The fire and flames lick my feet, the heat nothing more than an icy, tingling feeling throughout my body. All of the reds and oranges dance around me, each path, each turn looking exactly the same as the last one. This fiery maze seems to never end, always consuming my thoughts and ideas. Every time I am alone, I think about that feeling of loss and despair, never fully understanding the acceptance of defeat.

I shake my head clear, or I at least try to, continuing my walk throughout the city. People pass by me, not a single one even realizing who I am, what I do, or even what I have been through. At that moment, my thoughts stray back to those burning pits and corridors of Hell and I suppress a heated shudder.

These nightmares have not invaded my sleep in some time, but I can never fully shake them. As soon as I forget about those times, one of those hellish dreams pops up and my mind is yet again consumed. Just the mere suggestion of all that pain and sorrow just cuts me to the core and then I feel completely, utterly helpless.

I look up to see a single bird flying around above me, a simple robin, and I smile to myself. The streets are deserted now and Jump City suddenly seems to be quite a peaceful place, despite the criminals I know are lurking in the shadows, waiting for that right moment to strike. I am thankful for this rare night off and I treasure the quiet moments that let me think about my life.

The sun has almost completely set beneath the horizon and I know I should be heading back. As I turn around to head back to the Tower, I am suddenly struck with a strangely elated feeling. It was as if this ordinary, silent walk has enlightened me and I find myself smiling contagiously as I walk back.

The thoughts of those hellish moments have risen again, but this time they do not create despair or even fear and helplessness. That's the good thing about the most recent memories of those hell-filled times; at the end of those scenes of eternal damnation, there is always a comforting warm light, which I know now are our friends. Also, it is the mere idea of knowing the person in those dreams exists today and is at every nook and cranny of my thoughts.

The walk home is filled with better thoughts, better memories, recent ones especially, and I know everything I did was forever worth it. All along, I was the faith, the pure, unadulterated belief that helped end that fiery destiny. No weapons, no spells, no amount of fighting….. just me….. and my convictions of hope….and faith….


	2. Part One: Experience

Teen Titans: Daydreams for a Solitary Walker

Part One

Chapter Two: Experience

* * *

I glide, unnaturally silent, through the atmosphere, letting my thoughts claim my frazzled mind. The wind blows against my face and I close my eyes at the wondrous feeling. I love my friends and I enjoy keeping busy, but I do like to go out alone like this every once in awhile. It gives me time to plan the next festivity, to ponder the new and exciting words of my friends, or even to enjoy the simple freedom of the air.

Flying through the clouds is such an incredible sensation and I only wish my friends could experience this feeling as well. When I am in the air, it is the only time my mind is ever at ease. When I am alone and down on the ground, my brain wanders to thoughts…….memories, really……that I would rather forget. It is easy to be joyful and happy all of the time when you are kept busy with friends.

I drop a little in the air as those painful past memories flash in my head. I pause momentarily, wanting to forget them, but instead I lower myself back to the ground and decide to walk around the tiny suburb I have landed in. I let myself re-experience those times, not out of punishment or perverse torture, but out of respect, I guess. Those memories are the only ones I can ever seem to recall of my family anymore.

As a child, I was never fazed by death or destruction as it was simply the way of a warrior-race, regardless if you were a royal or not. I was taught at an early age how to fight and how to destroy if necessary. Righteous fury fueled my powers and by the age of two or three, I was putting holes through many of the walls in my home.

I let a giggle slip out at the remembrance and allow myself the momentary pause before I continue. As soon as it was over, my mind returned to a time that was not long ago and I can feel a slight tingling of energy throughout my body. I think back to the year before I joined the Teen Titans and the horrors my life held for me.

When the attack on my home came, it was unexpected and many of the servants fled quickly to prepare for battle and to save their families. It was only mere minutes after the initial attack that they found my mother and killed her without hesitation. Our nanny came to usher us to safety, my sister and I, before he himself went to defend our father and home in battle. As soon as he was gone, us children ran to our rooms and found our armor so we could also help our family and friends fight.

The war between us and them lasted six earth months and many people on both sides were wounded. I lost my sister three months into the fight and I did not see her again until I came here. I think, now anyway, that she must have fled to survive. I stood at my father's side until the very last moment. I killed hundreds of the enemy and I still have no remorse for my actions. I have killed creatures with my bare hands and do not regret it one bit.

My race was winning the war when the enemy turned and tried a sneak attack. They managed to get the best of my father and I watched him die in my own arms. It was during my time of mourning that they captured me and left my home. For many months they kept me locked up in many prisons as they went from planet to planet wreaking havoc.

It was only because of their ignorant insolence that I was able to escape. I ball my fists at my side as I walk back down the street. I would do anything for revenge on my enemies. My friends think that I am naïve and innocent and, in some circumstances, I can admit that maybe I am still a little unsure of some customs here. But in the universal art and emotion of fury and revenge, I have as many demons as they do.

My friends all have their one, true foil—the hero and the monster, the machine and the mind-master, the carefree child and the menacing mind, the mage and her maker, myself and my mortal enemies. I know my friends would prefer to believe me incapable of such hatred, but I cannot help what my past has created in me. As my friends cannot help their own obsessions, their impulsiveness, their gullibility, or even their self-seclusion, I cannot help my uncontrolled and easily provoked emotions.

I shake myself and look around to see the suburb is now behind me and I cannot believe what time has gone by. I clear my mind and think of my flawed, but beloved friends, something I have become quite well at accomplishing, and raise myself back up into the air. I let the unbridled joy course through my veins as I zoom through the sky. I must become happy again before I return home. I could never come back without a smile on my face or it will elicit unneeded questions for which I do not wish to answer. I cannot lie to my friends, it is just not plausible. I smile to myself as I pass over the giant arena of shopping. Maybe my friend's gentle sarcasm does have some truth in it….. the purchasing of new items is just as good as a visit to the 'therapist'…… whatever that may be….


	3. Part One: Alive

Teen Titans: Daydreams for a Solitary Walker

Part One

Chapter Three: Alive

* * *

I inhale the air around me, taking great relief in the scents and sights of the world around me. When I close my eyes, I can hear the animals all around me and it makes my ears twitch with each individual calling. I am already halfway through the forest and almost to my intended destination. It feels strange to be walking by myself, but comforting all the same. I feel like I am in my element here and, sometimes, I wish I could stay.

I have never told the others about this, but I like to come out here at least once or twice a month, just to think. I chuckle to myself at that simple thought as I picture my teammates' reactions. As I walk along, I scoop up random flowers, gathering and arranging them in my hands.

I pick out a few more flowers before I come to the end of the forest and make my way towards the rocky mountains ahead. Every time I make this trip a different scene plays in my head, but each time it always ends up with a wonderful hug. I come to the opening of the cave and stop for a moment. I look up and see her standing there, tears in her eyes, a smile on her face, and asking forgiveness with all of her heart.

Sometimes she is there waiting for me and other times she does not appear until I have been sitting with her for awhile. I sigh as my shoulders drop and I walk inside, brushing past and erasing that lifelike image of her from my mind. Further down in the cave I find her again, only this time she is a little less….alive.

I kneel down in front of her frozen anguish and I add another bouquet of bright colors to the wilting piles beneath her feet. I see a few older bunches mixed in with mine, but none of them seem to possess the depth and spirit of emotions that mine do. I sit and talk with her for awhile, imagining her sparkling blue eyes and her infectious laughter in response to my uninhibited words. I get up, finally, after what seems like hours and I head back out, wishing the walk back wasn't going to be by myself.

I enjoy these solitary moments when I visit her, but occasionally I wish I had someone to bounce my thoughts off of as I head back home. Someone who knows when I am truly being serious and when I am being funny, someone who knows what I am feeling without saying it. Just….someone. Someone……like her.


	4. Part One: Romance

Teen Titans: Daydreams for a Solitary Walker

Part One

Chapter Four: Romance

* * *

Their faces flash by in my mind and it's like a mini-camera is going crazy in my brain. Maybe it is, who really knows? I cross the grounds of the inner-city park and admire the dark, earthy colors of the nature surrounding me, as well as the bright, seemingly unnatural pinks and purples of the sunrise in front of me. I groan to myself as I realize the obvious, at least to me, contradiction and my current predicament. I never thought that I would feel this way, let alone, just being able to feel in general.

I continue walking down the worn path of the park, my mind shifting to her dark hair, native, flawless complexion, and her authoritative demeanor. As soon as I picture her, the other one butts in with her pale moon-kissed face and her wild, unnaturally colored hair, streaking through my memory banks and stealing my thoughts away from her opponent. Never did I ever think I would fall, and fall hard, for two such complete opposites.

I've only told Dark Girl about these confusions and she's done exactly what I expected her to do: listen quietly and tell me to just follow my heart. Humph, _what_ heart? That mass of nothing that just seems to beat rhythmically in my not-so-hollow chest? I scoffed when she told me that and I think I hurt her my making her feel ashamed for bringing it up, but it just made me laugh bitterly. I don't do body parts.

Except…..every time I see both of those fair ladies, I feel a flutter in my circuitry and, for a simple moment, I forget that there is not a real heart beneath my exterior. But it still hurts and swoons on occasion like a real one, whatever it really is in there.

I quickly move those ideas from my mind and get back to the matter at hand. Walking silently through the sunrise, every little thing reminds me of them. The bark on the tree reminds me of the rough exterior she exudes with her team, and the pale pink of the sky looks like the slight blush that rises on her cheeks when she is fighting. I laugh quietly as I see a very contrite sight—a few bees are attacking some pink and purple wildflowers in the distance, trying to get the life sustaining juice and pollen from them.

I don't really know when these feelings started, but they are something that I have to deny every single day. Battles are awful for me because I cannot stand to fight against her, it's just too hard. I'm falling in love with two of the most incredible women; one is my sworn enemy and the other is too busy and devoted to her team to see how much I care, let alone the very fact that I exist.

I look up and see the sun has now risen completely into the sky and I need to be heading back before breakfast or the others will start to wonder. I do enjoy these quiet walks by myself but sometimes, I hate having the time to process these files inside of me. The rush and the overdrive style of life is good because then I don't have to think about them. The busy atmosphere also keeps me from deciding which might actually be the right one for me….. And also, if I don't have another contestant from the past to divide my heart even further.


	5. Part One: Silence

Teen Titans: Daydreams for a Solitary Walker

Part One

Chapter Five: Silence

* * *

It seems lately that every time I close my eyes all I can see is them falling through the air, well, plummeting is more like it, I suppose. And if it isn't them, then it's him, simply standing in the shadows, always watching and always waiting. Sometimes the man switches; it won't be the monster lurking in the shadows watching and waiting, but the mentor instead. I can never tell which one has the greater impact. Either way, I wake up screaming, clutching the blankets to my chest and the burning pain searing through me.

I stop thinking about the exchanged imposing nightmares and come to rest by a small playground. These late night walks really help to clear my mind sometimes. I glance up to see a single robin flying overhead and I smile, watching him move hastily away from the city and towards the suburbs. Part of my brain finds it rather coincidental and wants to find the inherent irony deep inside the situation, but my heart shoves it aside and I decide to relax tonight.

Lately, my mind has been racing with so many thoughts and I cannot seem to control them. Most of the time, the thoughts and images are not mine….. and that scares me more than anything else ever could. It's not because I have no control and cannot help the troubled mind, but because if I am seeing their mind, does that mean that my mind is being portrayed to them in exchange? This thought sends shivers down my spine as I think of the horrors hidden deep within my mind. I would never want to share them with my worst enemies, let alone my only hope and faith incarnate.

Even though things have changed drastically, I still fear history will repeat itself and my horrors will once again become my realities and claim my somewhat decent life. It seems when my mind is left unguarded, that is when the visions strike. I try to better control myself and my emotions, but when I am sleeping the effort is futile. To avoid the dangers, I try to avoid sleeping sometimes, but that is when the nightmares hit hard and fast, knocking me for a loop.

Sitting down on a swing, I let my mind wander to the more recent memories that have been stirring. Mostly, it is us, our friends that hold our minds hostage. I see them all falling, leaving, getting hurt, getting angry, and even dying. Those last ones are the hardest for us to comprehend and to stomach. I repress those images as I stand back up and continue my voyage towards the quiet end of town.

As I am walking, I feel a strong pull down a side street, so I veer off course and decide to change it up a bit. As I turn the corner I can see them, walking briskly ahead of me, clearly going back to the Tower. It seems as if my assumptions were right: my personal demons are forcing him to stray as well. I follow silently in the shadows, keeping a close eye and gazing over them. My heart fills with sorrow as a magnified pain leaps and bounds through my soul. It isn't until I reach up to touch my face that I even realize our combined horrors have brought tears to my eyes.

I follow still, keeping a safe distance all the way back home, the agony never really leaving my soul. Throughout the last few months we have shared each other's pasts and pains and, apparently even now, our poisons. I wish I could take it all away and be as carefree and happy as the others.

I sat silently on the roof and waited to go inside; listening against my will to the hammering thoughts and emotions of my beloved teammates and friends as they convene and prepare whatever meal it is time for. All types of feelings, happy, worried, exuberant, confused, disappointed, happy again, angry, concerned… all of them just bombarding my brain and I could feel them all buzzing inside of me. That was another reason that I enjoyed my solitary walks—out there it was just me and my thoughts, my feelings…. Well, most of the time anyway.

* * *

A/N: Alright, here is the last section of Part One. I haven't started any other Parts yet, but I thin Part Two might be the Titans' alter-egos or something along those lines. Also, if there are any other ideas out there for separate Parts I can do, or even other characters you want to see, them press that little review button down there and let me know what you want! L8R Daze Peepalas! 


End file.
